Chapter 4

 

Sirius stood where Remus had left him, staring at the semi-tattered briefcase the other man had left on the desk. He was having difficulty breathing.

 

Slowly, he sank to the ground, unable to support his own weight any longer. His throat was tight and his eyes stung.

 

He dropped his face to his hands, half choking as he tried to control the sobs that seemed bent on ripping their way out of him.

 

Flashes of memories from the summer flew through his head like scenes in a Muggle film. He couldn’t stop them.

 

– – – – –

 

“Rain, wonderful,” Sirius muttered, pulling the hood of the Muggle sweatshirt he wore over his head as the grey sky opened up above him to release a torrential downpour. “And, naturally, I’m ages away from the house.” He huddled closer in his already-drenched sweatshirt and broke into a run.

 

BAM!

 

“Ouf,” Sirius grunted, falling back several steps, flailing his arms to keep himself on his feet.

 

Hands grabbed Sirius’s wrists and held him upright until he regained his balance.

 

“Excusez-moi, monsieur,” (1) the man holding Sirius’s wrists said. “Je ne faisais pas attention.” (2)

 

Sirius stared. The Frenchman had amber eyes. Sirius had never seen anything like it before.

 

“Je suis sincèrement désolé, monsieur,” (3) the amber-eyed man said.

 

Sirius blinked. “Sorry,” he said, beginning to feel intensely embarrassed. “I, er, don’t speak French. Um… No parle français?” (4)

 

The man, who couldn’t have been more than a year or two older than Sirius, laughed. “Of course you don’t,” he said, still chuckling.

 

Sirius felt he should have been offended – Blacks were not people to be laughed at – but he rather liked the sound, and he still felt too embarrassed to feel particularly affronted.

 

“I’m very sorry for walking into you,” the Frenchman-who-was-apparently-British (London, if Sirius was any judge of accent) apologized. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

 

“Oh, er…” Sirius realized the other man was still holding his wrists. “Not at all, it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention, either, and I was running. The rain, you know,” he jerked his chin upwards to indicate the still heavily falling precipitation.

 

The motion seemed to remind the other man of the maintained contact and he released Sirius at once. “Right. Of course.”

 

“Right.” Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

 

“So I suppose we were both at fault then?” the amber-eyed man suggested. “You were running and I was eating.” He looked down and sighed.

 

Sirius followed the other man’s gaze and saw the soggy remains of what must have been a croissant only moments before sinking into a puddle.

 

“I made you drop it!” Sirius gasped. He wasn’t sure why he was so bothered by a dropped croissant, but he wasn’t particularly interested in analyzing his impulses.

 

“No, no, it’s all right,” the other replied hastily. “I really should have waited until I got home to eat…”

 

But Sirius was having none of it. “Please, let me treat you to lunch to make up for it.”

 

“Oh, I couldn’t –”

 

“I insist.” Without waiting for a reply, or stopping to consider his actions, Sirius grabbed the other man’s wrist and together they dashed across the street and into a small café that had an awning stretched over its outdoor seating area.

 

Sirius pushed back his hood and shook his head furiously, trying to get some of the water out of his hair. At the sound of laughter, he looked up through his tangled locks.

 

“You look like a dog trying to dry off,” the other man explained.

 

Sirius couldn’t help but grin. “Maybe dogs have more sense than we give them credit for,” he replied.

 

The amber-eyed man laughed again. Removing his hat, he, too, shook his head, drops of water flying from hair that was most likely light brown when dry.

 

“It does look a bit doggish,” Sirius agreed, still grinning, then, abruptly remembering his manners, he held out a hand. “I’m Sirius Black.”

 

“Remus Lupin,” his companion returned, firmly grasping his hand.

 

Amber eyes met grey and held, and for a long moment neither man moved.

 

– – – – –

 

“The sun’s almost down!” Sirius exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the street.

 

Remus glanced up at the sky, a startled expression crossing his features. “I hadn’t realized it was so late,” he murmured, staring at the fiery heavens.

 

“Time flies when you’re having fun?” Sirius suggested, sneaking a sidelong look at the man beside him.

 

Remus turned to the black-haired boy, a slight smile curling his mouth. “So it does,” he agreed softly.

 

They stood in silence for a moment as the sun sank lower on the horizon.

 

“I should get home,” Sirius said reluctantly as the darkness settled around them.

 

“It was good to meet you, Sirius.” Remus offered a hand. “And thank you for lunch. I haven’t had so pleasant an afternoon and evening in a long time.”

 

“Neither have I,” Sirius replied, taking the proffered hand. A little spark of electricity jumped between them, but neither let go. “Can I see you again?” Sirius asked impulsively.

 

“What?” Remus’s incredible amber eyes widened. He tried to pull back.

 

“Can I see you again?” Sirius repeated, slightly tightening his hold on the pale hand in his.

 

“I…”

 

“Please, Remus?” Sirius was so surprised at his own desperation that he barely registered the pained look in his companion’s eyes.

 

“Sirius, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

 

“Why not? We had a good time today, didn’t we?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

“I suppose we could see each other again. Sometime.”

 

“Tomorrow?” Sirius inquired eagerly.

 

“Tomorrow?”

 

“Yes! Did you have plans?”

 

“Well, no, but –”

 

“Wonderful! The café we had lunch at. We’ll meet there. Noon?”

 

“Sirius, I’m not sure –”

 

“I’ll see you then!” Sirius enthused, then raced off down the street in the direction of his family’s house, leaving the brunet to stand alone, staring after him, hand still partly outstretched.

 

– – – – –

 

“It’s a beautiful day,” Remus remarked, relaxing against the back of the park bench.

 

“Beautiful,” Sirius echoed, watching the other man out of the corner of his eye. He’d been fighting a growing attraction to his companion for the past five days, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out.

 

Remus turned to look at Sirius, laying his arm along the bench-back as he shifted positions. “I’ve liked spending time with you these past few days,” he said, a small smile tugging the corners of his lips.

 

Sirius casually leaned back, feeling a little tingle run down his spine as Remus’s fingers lightly brushed against the back of his neck. “I have, too,” he replied. “Liked spending time with you, I mean.”

 

“I’m glad.”

 

The fingers brushed against Sirius’s neck again, and he wondered if it had been done on purpose. He mentally shook himself. Stop letting your imagination get the better of you, Sirius, he scolded. He smiled at his new friend, and felt a little bubble of happiness grow inside him as the smile was returned.

 

Sirius felt another touch on the back of his neck, so light he could barely be sure he hadn’t imagined it. He met Remus’s eyes, searching. Amber eyes met his evenly, a question shimmering just below the surface.

 

Impulsively, Sirius leaned in and kissed the other man squarely on the mouth.

 

Remus gasped.

 

Sirius pulled back as though burnt. Shit, shit. Bloody hell. Stupid, Sirius! Stupid! Think before you act! You bloody fool. What did you go and do that for? He could feel his face heat up with embarrassment as panic started to set in.

 

Remus was staring at him, a stunned expression on his face.

 

Sirius opened his mouth to apologize. “I’m so sor–”

 

He never finished his sentence.

 

Remus reached out, fisting one hand in Sirius’s shirtfront to pull him closer as his other hand curled into Sirius’s hair. His lips pressed against Sirius’s in a fierce kiss. After what could have been seconds or hours, he pulled back a few inches to breathe. “You kiss by the book,” (5) he whispered when Sirius had dragged his eyes open. Then he closed the distance between them once more.

 

– – – – –

 

“Looks like rain,” Sirius commented dryly, moments before it started to pour. Lightning cracked overhead.

 

Remus burst out laughing. “Run!” he yelled above the roar of the thunder. Catching Sirius’s hand, he pulled the younger man along with him as he dashed through the downpour.

 

“Where are we going?” Sirius shouted, trying to make himself heard over the noise of the heavens.

 

“My flat!” Remus hollered back. “It’s close!”

 

Just minutes later they stood dripping in the hallway in front of Remus’s door while the brunet fumbled with the lock.

 

“It gets stuck sometimes,” Remus muttered, jiggling the key a bit. “Aha!”

 

The door swung back and Remus led the way inside.

 

Sirius followed, trying not to show his sudden nerves.

 

“Study’s through there,” Remus said, pointing. “I don’t have a parlor. Kitchen’s in here…”

 

But Sirius was only half listening. Through a partially opened door he had seen the large window leading out onto a balcony. The only thing missing from the summer holiday had been flying: the wind and the rain, nothing but a bit of wood and a charm or two keeping him from nature. He missed being able to see for miles in any direction, to be high above people. He liked being high above the world, high above its problems and prejudices. The balcony wasn’t a broom, but still… It was freedom. It was… he couldn’t describe it.

 

“It overlooks the Seine,” Remus said in a soft voice. “Would you like to see?”

 

Sirius looked at him and realized that here was someone who understood what Sirius could not put into words. He nodded.

 

Remus pushed the door the rest of the way open, and Sirius realized that this was the bedroom. He gulped, and followed the smaller man past the full bed to the window.

 

He could barely see anything through the weather-darkened sky and the lashing rain. Without asking permission, he unlatched the window and climbed out onto the narrow balcony.

 

Remus followed. “It’s beautiful when the weather’s clear,” he said, mouth close to Sirius’s ear to be heard above the elements. His hot breath washed over Sirius’s cold, damp skin, making the black-haired boy shiver.

 

“It’s beautiful now,” Sirius replied. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, catching the drops of rain in his open mouth. He could feel streams of water trickling down his bare throat, seeping through his already soaked shirt.

 

“Beautiful,” Remus’s voice breathed from scant inches away.

 

Arms wrapped around Sirius’s waist from behind and he could feel Remus’s body pressed close against his back, wet and hard and warm. Lips caressed his neck, a hot tongue tracing the patterns of the rain.

 

Sirius groaned, head tilting more to the side to allow the torturous tongue better access.

 

Teeth nipped at Sirius’s ear and he couldn’t suppress a breathy moan. Heavy lids fluttered open and he turned in the other man’s arms.

 

“Rem?” he asked. There were butterflies the size of thestrals in his stomach.

 

“Let’s go inside.”

 

Sirius nodded, and climbed back in the window, Remus close behind.

 

Sirius crossed to the middle of the room and turned to his companion, waiting.

 

Remus prowled closer, an expression in his amber eyes that Sirius had never seen before. It was almost predatory.

 

Sirius shivered in anticipation. This is it, he thought, unable to tear his eyes away from the magnificent creature before him.

 

Remus stopped inches away, not touching, but so close Sirius could feel the other man’s heated breath washing over him.

 

Sirius’s pulse thundered in his ears, drowning out the sounds of the storm.

 

“What do you want, Sirius?” Remus’s voice was low and husky. Slowly, he dragged a knuckle down Sirius’s cheek and across his lower lip.

 

Sirius’s lips parted under the touch and he nearly moaned aloud. “You,” he breathed, eyes drifting closed of their own volition as he leaned into the caress.

 

A low growl escaped the brunet and Sirius felt a hand curl around the back of his neck and jerk him forward as Remus crushed their mouths together. Tongues battled fiercely for dominance, teeth nipping and tugging at tongue and lip.

 

Sirius suddenly realized he had somehow backed up against the bed and his belt had been removed; he himself was struggling with the buttons of Remus’s wet shirt.

 

The two men pulled apart to breathe. Remus tugged Sirius’s tee-shirt off over his head before shrugging his own shirt, now fully unbuttoned, off his shoulders.

 

Sirius gasped as the action revealed the myriad of scars crisscrossing the pale torso. He reached out a hand, but stopped himself before his fingers could touch the skin. “How –” he started to ask, but Remus was shaking his head.

 

“Don’t ask,” the brunet told him. “Old story. It’s not important.” He captured Sirius’s outstretched hand and pressed it against his chest, over his heart.

 

Sirius could feel the rapidly pumping organ beating under his palm. He reached for one of Remus’s hands, pressing it to his own heart.

 

“Are you nervous?” Remus asked, eyes fixed on the contrast of the pale hand against Sirius’s tanned skin.

 

“No,” Sirius said boldly, hoping the swift pace of his pulse didn’t give him away.

 

Amber eyes moved to fix grey with a piercing stare. “It’s okay if you are.”

 

Sirius felt himself flush. “It’s just… I’ve never… with a guy…”

 

Remus silenced him with a kiss, much softer than the previous one. “I won’t hurt you,” he murmured when they parted.

 

Sirius held his eyes for a long minute before nodding. “I know,” he said quietly. “I trust you.”

 

Slowly, grey eyes still locked on amber, Sirius sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Remus towards him by the hand still on his chest.

 

The black-haired boy fell back against the mattress, the brunet braced above him.

 

“I’ll go slow,” Remus assured him, voice low and intense, as if he needed Sirius to understand.

 

“I trust you,” Sirius said again, and pulled the smaller man down for a kiss.

 

Sirius was breathing heavily by the time they parted.

 

Remus trailed a path of hot, open-mouthed kisses down Sirius’s throat and across his chest to his navel.

 

The grey-eyed boy moaned, writhing in pleasure.

 

Within moments, both were fully undressed and Remus came back up for another kiss, grinding their hips together to create delicious friction, one hand reaching for something on the bedside table.

 

The sound of a cap snapping off reached Sirius’s ears, but did not register until he felt a single slick finger enter him. His teeth sank sharply into Remus’s lip in surprise.

 

“What – ?” he managed to gasp, dragging open eyes he hadn’t realized he had closed.

 

“I have to prepare you,” Remus breathed against the younger man’s parted lips. “Otherwise you’ll tear.”

 

Sirius managed a nod, and Remus leant down again, distracting him with kisses as a second finger was added and the two began a scissoring motion. The fingers touched something and Sirius gasped into Remus’s mouth, hips jerking upwards as he saw stars.

 

Remus smiled against Sirius’s lips.

 

The dark-haired boy groaned, biting down again on Remus’s lip in frustration as the fingers were removed.

 

“Shh,” Remus soothed, and Sirius heard the sound of a cap again. “Turn over,” he murmured, but Sirius shook his head.

 

“Want to see you,” he whispered, forcing his eyes open once more.

 

Remus froze for a moment, but then nodded, shifting so that Sirius’s thighs were up, parallel to his chest. “Ready?” he asked, voice a low rumble vibrating between them.

 

Sirius gave a jerky nod, bracing himself.

 

“Relax,” Remus instructed, noting the tension in Sirius’s body, then slowly moved forward.

 

Sirius groaned again, and bit into his own lip to stop the sound.

 

“Relax,” Remus said again.

 

Sirius closed his eyes tightly and bit his lip harder, trying to concentrate on the pain caused by his teeth.

 

“Sirius…” Remus’s voice was concerned, now, and he started to pull back.

 

Sirius shook his head fiercely, eyes flying open, and grabbed the other man’s shoulders to keep him in place.

 

Worried amber eyes met Sirius’s grey for a long moment, then Remus leaned in and brushed a soft kiss to Sirius’s cheek, then began trailing feather-light kisses over Sirius’s nose, lips, and eyes.

 

“It’s all right, it’s all right,” he murmured, almost crooning.

 

Slowly, the muscles in Sirius’s body began to ease. His eyes fluttered shut.

 

He felt a slight movement above him, then, in one swift thrust, Remus surged forward, his teeth closing on Sirius’s earlobe a split-second later, forcing Sirius to focus on the sharp pain in his ear instead of the racing burn in his lower body.

 

“Okay?” Remus asked after several moments. Sirius could feel the tension in the other man’s body as the brunet fought to keep perfectly still, waiting for Sirius’s body to adjust, to accept him.

 

Sirius, breathing ragged, waited another long moment before his eyes opened and he nodded. “Okay,” he said, shifting his hips experimentally.

 

A tiny sigh escaped Remus, though whether or not it was relief Sirius couldn’t tell, and then it didn’t matter, as Remus began to move. Slowly at first, then, once they’d found their rhythm, faster.

 

Sirius’s hips rose to meet each thrust and one of Remus’s hands reached between them, closing around Sirius’s length, to begin a steady jerking motion in counterpoint.

 

It wasn’t long before Sirius exploded, screaming the brunet’s name as he came, his vision going white, and Remus only a split-second behind. They collapsed together and it was several moments before Sirius’s eyes and mind cleared.

 

“You all right?” Remus asked. He was curled up next to Sirius on the bed, softly nuzzling the younger boy’s neck.

 

“More than all right,” Sirius murmured, suddenly feeling exhausted.

 

“You’ll be a little sore in the morning,” Remus cautioned, voice drowsy.

 

“Was worth it,” Sirius managed, eyelids drooping.

 

“‘m glad,” Remus whispered, pressing a kiss to Sirius’s cheek. “Sleep now.”

 

Within moments, the smaller man’s breath had evened out in slumber.

 

Somewhere in the back of his sated and sleepy mind, Sirius noted that the storm had ended and the sky had cleared. He smiled happily, and curled closer to his lover, drifting off to sleep as the light of the waxing gibbous moon painted silvery patterns on the floor.

 

– – – – –

 

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty,” Remus’s voice murmured close to Sirius’s ear.

 

Sirius opened his eyes, squinting slightly against the bright morning sunshine pouring through the window. “When did that happen?” he asked groggily, waving vaguely in the direction of the offending light.

 

Remus laughed softly. “Several hours ago, actually. I made you some coffee to wake you up. You need to get home, soon, though, or someone will miss you.”

 

“They probably won’t even notice I’m gone, let alone miss me,” Sirius grumbled, but he rolled out of bed anyway.

 

Remus made an appreciative noise, and Sirius smirked at the brown-haired man.

 

“Like what you see?” he asked, half-teasing, half-inviting, holding out his arms.

 

Amber eyes lingered for a moment before snapping up to Sirius’s face. “Get dressed and brush your teeth,” the brunet instructed, turning away – but not before Sirius had noticed the flushed color of his face. “Coffee’s in the kitchen.”

 

Sirius chuckled as he began hunting for his pants.

 

– – – – –

 

“I won’t be able to see you for a few days,” Remus said, carefully spreading jam on a piece of toast.

 

“What?” Sirius looked up from his own breakfast, startled.

 

“I won’t be around for the next few days,” Remus said, a bit louder.

 

“I heard you the first time,” Sirius retorted. “Why won’t you be around?”

 

The brunet didn’t look up from his toast. “I have to go away,” he replied.

 

“Where are you going?” the younger man wanted to know.

 

“It’s not really any of your business.”

 

Sirius slammed his spoon down on the table. “What the hell do you mean, it’s not my business?”

 

“I mean it’s not your business,” Remus responded calmly.

 

“But – I –” Sirius sputtered.

 

Remus looked up at him, amber eyes guarded, but sad. “Look, Sirius,” he said, voice soft. “It’s personal. I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, you’ve barely been home these last few days. Don’t your parents wonder what’s happened to you?”

 

Sirius snorted. “They don’t even notice I’m gone. I wasn’t lying when I told you that, before.”

 

They continued breakfast for a while in silence.

 

“How long will you be gone?” Sirius asked after a few minutes, judging enough time had passed.

 

“Two days,” Remus replied. “Maybe three.”

 

“I’ll miss you,” Sirius said quietly.

 

A sad half-smile curled the amber-eyed man’s lips. “I’ll miss you, too.”

 

– – – – –

 

“Oh, good… Rem, are you okay?” Sirius asked as the afternoon sunlight emphasized both the highlights in Remus’s hair and the dark circles under his eyes.

 

“Yes, I’m fine.” Remus patted the bench he was sitting on for Sirius to join him, but the younger man remained standing.

 

“You don’t look fine! You look like death warmed over!”

 

“Thank you ever so, Sirius. You have such a way with words. You always know just what to say to make a man feel attractive.”

 

Sirius flushed, but refused to back down. “Is something wrong? Are you sick?”

 

“Sirius…”

 

“Did something happen?”

 

“I’m tired, that’s all.”

 

“Don’t lie to me, Remus. This is the second time you’ve gone away and come back looking like you just crawled out of a grave. Where are you going? What are you doing? What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m just tired, Sirius. I didn’t get much sleep.”

 

“Remus…” Sirius sat, looking intently at his companion.

 

“I know you’re concerned, Sirius, but you don’t need to worry.” Remus took one of Sirius’s hands in both of his own. “We only have a few weeks left. Let’s not spoil them.”

 

“Is this your way of reminding me that we’re not in a serious relationship?”

 

“Of course it’s a Sirius relationship,” the brunet joked. “You’re a part of it, aren’t you?”

 

The younger man ignored his frivolity. “Even if our ‘arrangement’ is just for the summer, I wish you would trust me.”

 

“I do trust you, Sirius. There are just certain things you don’t need to know. And where I go is my own business.”

 

Sirius bit his lip, hurt and a little angry, and looked away, out across the park that was in full summer splendor.

 

Remus gently turned Sirius’s face back to his own and leaned forward, kissing the dark-haired boy lightly on the mouth.

 

Sirius sighed, unable to stay angry, and leaned into the kiss.

 

After a moment, Remus pulled back. “Why don’t we go back to my apartment? I can have some tea and you can tell me all about what you did these last two days without me.”

 

– – – – –

 

Sirius wasn’t sure how long he sat there, remembering and shaking with suppressed emotions. It could have been minutes or hours.

 

When he finally felt he had a grip on himself, he looked up, glancing towards the window. The blood red sun was sinking slowly towards the western horizon, casting long shadows across the deserted classroom. It must have been several hours. James and Peter would probably be wondering what had happened to him. Somehow, he couldn’t really bring himself to care.

 

He rose to his feet, feeling empty and raw.

 

Slowly, he gathered his things together and turned to leave.

 

He froze.

 

There, in the doorway, stood Remus.

 

For a long moment, they stared at each other.

 

Sirius realized he must look like a wreck: eyes red and puffy, face blotchy and streaked. Remus didn’t look much better; his hair was mussed, his eyes were red and strangely bright, and it looked as though he’d been biting down hard on his lower lip. Just like the end of the summer, Sirius thought.

 

“I needed my briefcase,” Remus finally broke the silence. His voice was slightly choked.

 

Sirius nodded.

 

Neither man moved.

 

TBC

 

Remus’s French was translated for me by Miss JaD (thank you, dear!). Sirius’s (botched) French is my own doing.

 

(1) “Excusez-moi, monsieur.” – “I’m sorry, sir.”

 

(2) “Je ne faisais pas attention.” – “I wasn’t paying attention.”

 

(3) “Je suis sincèrement désolé, monsieur,” – “Truly, I’m very sorry, sir.”

 

(4) “No parle français?” – Sirius’s botched attempt at “I don’t speak French.”

 

(5) “You kiss by the book.” – A quote from Juliet Capulet to Romeo Montague at their first meeting in William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet (Act I, Scene V).