Author’s Notes: MWPP era, in their Third Year. Lily’s POV.

 

Chapter 8 – Sumus Primi (1)

 

It was the sound of a rousing rendition of “God Rest Ye Merry, Hippogriffs” that woke Lily early Saturday morning.

 

It took her a moment to realize the noise was coming from downstairs (probably from the common room) and another moment to properly appreciate the fact that if the dormitory door had been closed a mere inch or two more (she would have to kill whomever had left it open) she could have thrown something at it to close it the rest of the way and shut out the rowdy voices. A moment more and she remembered she was a witch and could just use her wand. By the time she had located said wand, however, she had remembered that term had ended the day before, and the singing of holiday songs would likely only get worse as the day went on. And if she knew her house-mates (and she was pretty sure by this time that she did) closing the door wouldn’t help for long.

 

With a groan, Lily rolled out of bed, still clutching her willow wand, and stumbled towards her trunk.

 

May as well get up and dressed, she thought.

 

She glanced around the empty room. “I forgot everyone went home for the holidays,” she said aloud, feeling a trifle lonely.

 

“Everyone?” asked a male voice behind her.

 

With a gasp, Lily whirled, raising her wand defensively.

 

“Just me,” Remus Lupin was standing a few feet away, hands raised palm out to show that he was unarmed.

 

Lily relaxed, lowering her wand. “I always forget you can come up here. You startled me.”

 

“Sorry,” he grinned. “Didn’t mean to.”

 

“Mm,” she grinned wryly in return. It was something she’d never quite figured out – why Remus could go up the stairs to the girls’ dorms but all the other boys slid back down. Lily wondered if it had to do with the fact that Remus was a werewolf, but she’d never quite worked up the courage to actually ask him, mainly because that would mean she would have to confront him about his lycanthropic condition and she wasn’t quite sure how he would respond. “Why are you here so early, anyway?”

 

“I’m always up early. You often are as well, so I figured I’d come by since I knew you’d be up here all by your lonesome.”

 

Lily raised an eyebrow. He’s becoming more like Potter and Black ever day, she thought to herself. Aloud, she said, “Meaning your three darling friends threatened dire things if you didn’t let them sleep?”

 

Remus chuckled. “Two, actually. Peter left this morning to spend Christmas at home. But yes, I thought it best to let Sirius and James sleep. They’re not particularly pleasant at such early hours.”

 

“Then I suppose it’s very fortunate for you that I had to stay here over the holidays this year,” Lily remarked.

 

“This is true,” Remus replied, chuckling again. “So, Oh-Great-Lady-of-my-Good-Fortune, would you care to accompany me down to the Great Hall so that we might break our fasts together, this fine morning?”

 

Lily laughed again, amused in spite of herself. “I’d be delighted,” she said. “Just let me get dressed.”

 

He bowed slightly, a very Black-like grin quirking his lips as he captured her hand and pressed a gallant kiss to her knuckles. “I shall await your pleasure downstairs,” he told her, and retreated, closing the door carefully behind himself.

 

Lily sighed. He’s such a gentleman, she thought.

 

A smile slowly spread across her face. She bit her lip and gave in to the excited squeal that she could feel building up inside of her. She spun around in a happy sort of pirouette, then dashed to her trunk to find clothes, wishing desperately that the other girls were around to help her choose something to wear.

 

– – – – –

 

“How kind of you to join me,” Remus muttered when Lily approached him in the common room. His tone was sour, but his eyes were laughing. “I was afraid you’d gotten lost.”

 

Lily felt herself flush. Probably shouldn’t have taken the time to shower, she thought. But she hadn’t wanted to stink if she was going to have breakfast with the amber-eyed boy. “I needed to –”

 

“Shower,” Remus finished for her. “I know.” He chuckled.

 

Lily stared. How did he –?

 

“I can smell the soap and the shampoo you used,” Remus explained, obviously interpreting her expression correctly. “You’ll have to teach me the spell you use to dry your hair,” he added. “The only one I know makes my hair look like James’s, and Sirius won’t tell me what he uses.”

 

‘Of course,’ Lily meant to say, but it somehow got lost on the way to her mouth. “My soap’s unscented and my shampoo’s not that strong,” she said instead, then gave an inner wince as Remus turned red. Of all the times for me to get nervous and start babbling about things I don’t want to talk about… I thought I’d kicked that habit.

 

“Oh, well, uh,” Remus stuttered. “Good nose and all.”

 

‘That must be tough in a boys’ dormitory,’ Lily tried to joke, but it came out, “I thought your senses were only heightened during the full moon.” Lily felt her eyes widen at her own words and she clapped her hands to her mouth.

 

Remus’s jaw dropped and the breath left his lungs in a loud whoosh! as though he’d been punched in the stomach.

 

This could be summed up quite nicely in one word, Lily decided. “Shit,” she said through her muffling hands. Of course that comes out right, she thought bitterly.

 

Remus’s mouth moved as though he were trying to form words, but no sound was forthcoming. The shock in his face was rapidly dissolving into fear.

 

Now is not the time to panic, Lily told herself sharply. “I never meant to say anything,” Lily whispered, dropping her hands to her lap.

 

Remus gaped at her. “You…”

 

“I’ve known for ages,” Lily continued. “Your boggart last year… and you’re always gone over the full moon… and that werewolf essay we wrote…” she trailed off helplessly.

 

“Everyone knows,” Remus’s voice was strangled, eyes wide in a very pale face.

 

“No!” Lily gasped. “I never told a soul!” Does he really think that of me? “I would never tell anyone, I swear.”

 

Remus shook his head, but it didn’t seem to be disbelief. “You figured it out,” he said, voice shaking slightly. “Siri and James and Peter figured it out. There must be others.”

 

Oh, went Lily’s brain. He doesn’t believe I’d betray him. He trusts me that much, at least. The thought calmed her. “I’m sure no one else has figured out you’re a werewolf,” she assured him, keeping her voice low so none of the other students in the common room would hear.

 

“But you and –”

 

“I am the cleverest witch of our age,” (2) Lily informed him haughtily, hoping to lighten the tension.

 

Remus’s lips twitched slightly, but he still looked slightly terrified.

 

“Look,” Lily said seriously, deciding to change tactics, “as much as it pains me to admit it, Black and Potter are far from the idiots they appear to be at first glance. Add that to the fact that they’re your best friends as well as your roommates…” she shrugged.

 

“But you’re –”

 

“We’re friends as well,” Lily pointed out. “And once I realized you were gone once a month, always at the same time as –” Lily broke off. He doesn’t need to know that! She thought, feeling her cheeks heat up.

 

Remus raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.

 

Lily’s blush deepened. “Well, it always coincided with the full moon,” she went on hastily. “And I was thinking about you a lot –” she broke off again, feeling completely mortified. This conversation just keeps getting worse! her mind wailed. Why can’t I seem to watch my mouth around him?

 

“You were that worried?” he asked, sounding touched.

 

“Yes!” she clutched at the lifeline he had unwittingly thrown her. “Well, the boggart, and the essay, and the timing, which I couldn’t help but notice because of all the time we spend together, and you were always so vague about where you went, and so everything just… added up,” she finished lamely.

 

He nodded slowly, relaxing slightly. “You’re right,” he said, voice thoughtful. “After Siri came out to me about it, I should have known it was only a matter of time before you figured it out as well.”

 

“And you don’t spend enough time with anyone else for them to really even be thinking about it.” Lily giggled suddenly, remember something. “Actually, the girls all think you’ve got a vicious pet rabbit, or something,” she told him.

 

“What?”

 

“Alice heard Potter talking about your ‘furry little problem,’ and things just took off from there.”

 

“Oh, Lord,” he laughed, and the last of the tension drained away with the sound.

 

Lily heaved an inner sigh of relief and prayed she wouldn’t blurt out anything else she should be keeping to herself. “Shall we to breakfast then?” she inquired, rising to her feet.

 

Remus smiled, following suit. “Let’s shall,” he agreed, courteously offering her his arm.

 

She took it, fighting the urge to giggle again, and steered him towards the portrait hole.

 

– – – – –

 

“I don’t understand Dumbledore’s obsession with destroying Christmas,” Remus commented sourly between bites of toast.

 

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. “He’s not destroying Christmas,” she corrected. “He’s trying to make it more fun.”

 

“Trying being the key word,” Remus grumbled to his juice.

 

Lily laughed. She couldn’t help it, he just looked like the little kids she babysat for in the summer when she told them they had to drink their milk if they ‘wanted to be big and strong.’ “You know you don’t really hate what Dumbledore’s done with Christmas. I saw you laughing over the crackers he provided last year. And you have to admit the decorated trees are beautiful.”

 

“I have to do no such thing.” Remus took a savage bite of sausage. “One of the fairies bit me yesterday. The crackers do provide some amusement, but not enough to make up for the trouble they cause. The noise they make is deafening and, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now, Siri and James are downright dangerous with anything that makes noise or has even a possibility of exploding. And the mistletoe! It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. In Norse mythology, Loki used mistletoe to kill Baldur, the god of peace, did you know that? And it’s a parasite –”

 

“Thank you, Professor Lupin,” Lily rolled her eyes, fighting another laugh. “I attend the same Herbology lessons you do and, if you recall, it was I who got you interested in Norse mythology. Before that, it was ‘Apollo’ this and ‘Isis’ that. Honestly!”

 

“Yes, well…”

 

“I would also like to point out to you that we are lucky the custom is only to kiss under the mistletoe, given its properties as an aphrodisiac.” Lily stopped, feeling her cheeks heat up. Oh, God, why did I have to say that? her mind wailed. I have to just stop talking! Just stop!

 

Remus didn’t seem to notice the blush, or Lily’s inner panic. “I suppose.”

 

Lily quickly downed the last of her tea, still feeling intensely awkward. Let’s see how many more times I can make a fool of myself before lunch, she thought, a little sarcastically and feeling quite bitter towards her runaway mouth.

 

“You finished?” Remus had swallowed the rest of his own breakfast while Lily had been berating herself.

 

“Er, yeah.” Lily wiped her mouth hastily and rose to her feet as her companion did.

 

“I need to make sure Siri and James are up – they’ll be upset if they miss breakfast – but I was thinking we could make a snowman before everyone starts throwing snowballs. What do you think?” Remus asked, already leading the way back to Gryffindor Tower.

 

Aw! Lily’s sappy inner voice sighed. “Sounds great!” she enthused, then mentally kicked herself for sounding so eager.

 

Remus laughed, obviously not put off by her excitement.

 

Lily forced herself to relax and they continued in comfortable silence.

 

Lily was just congratulating herself on not doing or saying anything for a good five minutes that would further make her look like a fool when, as so often happens, disaster struck.

 

Remus was courteously holding one of the passage doors open for her when it happened. The end of the world as Lily knew it.

 

“Er,” said Remus, staring up.

 

“Uh,” Lily replied, looking anywhere but at him.

 

“Um,” Remus agreed, still looking up.

 

“So?” she asked, sneaking a sidelong glance at him.

 

“Um,” Remus repeated, now focused on his shoes.

 

“Uh,” she said a second time.

 

“Right,” he nodded decisively.

 

“Oh?” Lily inquired.

 

“Ah…” he hesitated.

 

“Ehm,” Lily fidgeted.

 

“Yeah,” said Remus.

 

“Yeah?” she questioned.

 

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

 

“Okay,” she nodded, feeling her face heat up for what felt like the millionth time that morning.

 

“Well,” he moved closer.

 

“Well,” she mimicked his shuffle forward.

 

“Well,” Remus said again.

 

“I’ve never –” Lily started to blurt, then stopped, horrified yet again at her inability to control her tongue.

 

“Me neither,” Remus admitted, sounding as nervous as Lily felt.

 

They stared at each other for a long moment, then Remus started to smile, and Lily started to laugh, the tension easing.

 

“I guess it won’t matter if we’re both terrible, then,” Remus said, sounding relieved.

 

“I guess not,” Lily agreed, feeling as relieved as Remus sounded.

 

“So, shall we?” he asked.

 

Lily took a deep breath and nodded firmly. “Let’s shall.”

 

Remus smiled encouragingly at her and closed the distance between them.

 

Lily sighed slightly as his lips pressed against hers, one of his hands sliding into her hair as the other slipped around her waist. Her own hands fluttered, unsure what to do or where to go. They’d just settled lightly on his shoulders when a noise farther down the passage caused the brunet to pull sharply away from her.

 

Lily opened eyes she didn’t remember closing and turned towards the sound.

 

Potter and Black were standing several feet away wearing identical looks of horrible astonishment.

 

“Oh, hell,” Remus said, voice so low Lily wasn’t sure he’d really spoken at all. “Look,” he said louder, hands outstretched towards his friends as though in supplication. “It’s not what it looks like.”

 

There was a long pause. The two black-haired boys seemed to have been struck dumb.

 

That must be a first, a tart voice that sounded a bit like Winnie said in Lily’s mind.

 

Potter picked up his jaw from where it had fallen on the floor, but still seemed unable to speak. Black managed to recover rather more quickly.

 

“It looks,” he said in a voice so cold Lily was surprised ice wasn’t forming, “like you and Evans were kissing.”

 

Silence.

 

Potter was just staring. Again. Lily shifted uncomfortably.

 

“Well,” Remus said slowly. “I suppose to the casual observer –”

 

“Spare me the textbook, professor,” Black bit out. His face was tight. “Were you or were you not just kissing?” he demanded.

 

Lily narrowed her eyes. Something strange was going on. She didn’t know Black well enough to be able to confidently recognize anything more than anger from him, but she would almost swear she could detect hurt in his grey eyes. Remus was a different story. Her friend seemed nervous and a little angry, but it was almost as though he wasn’t aware of either, which was downright bizarre. And he was behaving as though he’d just been caught red-handed and was trying to avoid an explosion. For some reason, he reminded her of Petunia’s summer boyfriend when Petunia had caught him snogging another girl, but Lily couldn’t put her finger on why for the life of her.

 

“Technically –” Remus began.

 

Lily cut him off. “Yes,” she said, staring defiantly at Black. She felt oddly protective of Remus, and was, frankly, quite sick of the grey-eyed boy always walking over her friend, whether he minded or not. Besides, she thought, a little rebelliously, what business is it of his is Remus and I kiss? It’s not like he has any claim on us. “We were.”

 

“Lily,” Remus hissed – obviously trying to keep her out of it – but too late.

 

“Was I speaking to you?” Black’s tone was a low snarl as he eyed her with something akin to severe distaste.

 

Lily suddenly understood why people went out of their way not to anger Sirius Black. It was as though the boy radiated some kind of malicious force; a chill ran down Lily’s spine and she realized she had goosebumps. She stuck out her chin, eyes glittering angrily. She refused to be cowed by a teenage boy. “I was merely clarifying that we were kissing. It’s a tradition, you know. To kiss under the mistletoe.” She pointed.

 

Potter and Black both automatically looked up, saw the culprit, then looked back down again.

 

“Thank you, Miss Priss,” Black sneered.

 

“Sirius,” Remus growled, clearly embarrassed and aggravated.

 

Black glanced at the brunet, saw the lips thinned with anger and the amber eyes flashing dangerously, and he flushed, looking almost… ashamed? That can’t be right. “Come on, James,” he grunted. “Let’s get out of here before these two start snogging.”

 

Potter jumped at being addressed, as though he’d forgotten his partner-in-crime was even there. He hastily turned to follow Black back the way they’d come, trailing, “Have a good day, Evans!” behind him in a strangled voice, followed a moment later by a muffled thump, then, “Ow! What was that for?” in a much more normal tone.

 

Lily turned to her companion. This bizarre power he seemed to have over the grey-eyed boy never ceased to amaze her.

 

Remus was staring after his friends. His expression was a mixture of irritation, guilt, and confusion.

 

“Remus?”

 

“I don’t understand,” he murmured, not looking at her.

 

“Understand what?”

 

“Why he was acting like that,” Remus gestured uselessly in the direction Potter and Black had gone.

 

“You know Black doesn’t like me.” If Lily hadn’t already been convinced of this fact, the preceding episode would have cleared up any doubts she could have had.

 

“That’s not true!” the boy protested, turning towards her at last. “He just feels he has to watch out for me, because… well, you know. He’s just protective.”

 

Possessive, more like, Lily thought, but didn’t say. She also kept to herself that Black’s ‘Werewolf Protection Plan’ had started long before he’d been aware of said furry little problem. “He’s been going out with Natasha for ages now,” she said instead. “Haven’t they kissed?”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow at this seeming change of conversation. “No.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“He would have told me.”

 

“Maybe that’s why he was ‘acting like that,’” Lily suggested.

 

“What?”

 

“Maybe it’s that you had your first kiss first.”

 

Remus seemed to consider this. “Maybe,” he said slowly after a long moment. He looked more than a little doubtful.

 

“Are you going to talk about it, then?” Lily asked.

 

Remus gave her a funny look before his expression cleared and he shook his head. “I’ll just ignore him the rest of the day. He’ll need some time to cool off – and to settle James’s ruffled feathers.”

 

Lily chose to ignore the last comment and its accompanying smirk in favor of trying to understand the boy’s thought process. “And everything will just be fine tomorrow?” she wondered.

 

Remus nodded. “He’ll sneak into my bed tonight to give me chocolate as an apology. He knows it will make me feel better if I’m still angry.”

 

“He’ll sneak into your bed?” Lily’s eyebrows had gone up.

 

Remus nodded again.

 

“He does this a lot?” For some nameless reason, this struck a chord with Lily, but she couldn’t figure out why.

 

“Only when we’ve had a fight.” Remus paused. “And after full moons,” he added in a softer voice, as though to himself.

 

“He gives you chocolate after full moons?”

 

“What? Oh.” Remus had unaccountably turned red. “Let’s get our cloaks and go make that snowman,” he said hastily, and began walking rapidly down the passage, away from the problematic mistletoe.

 

Lily frowned, wondering why her friend hadn’t answered her last question and what had made him blush. And what was with Black?

 

Her frown deepened as she realized Remus was well ahead of her. She put her questions aside for another day, and hurried to catch up.

 

TBC

 

(1) “Sumus Primi” – We Are First (It’s Latin, m’dears! A bit of an ode to my old alma mater, actually. It was our motto-type thing.)

 

(2) Remus says that to Hermione in PoA after she announces that he’s a werewolf, and she’s known for ages.