Author’s Notes: Rem’s POV.

 

Chapter 6 – That Which We Call A Rose

 

Remus stood immobile in Sirius’s hold for a long moment, staring at the taller boy in undisguised terror. Then, as if brought back to life by some spell, he began to struggle, fighting to get free.

 

“H – hold still!” Sirius gritted, trying to keep his grip.

 

“Let me go!”

 

“No!”

 

“Let go or I’ll bite you!”

 

“Re – ”

 

“Just see if I won’t!”

 

“Stop it!”

 

“I will, I will! I’ll bite!” God, don’t make me do it. I don’t know if I can bite him…

 

“Listen to me!” Sirius slammed the smaller boy back against the wall of the dorm, holding him in place.

 

Remus felt tears slipping down his cheeks. He couldn’t move without hurting Sirius, and he couldn’t hurt Sirius. It was over. “Do it, then,” he choked out.

 

Sirius’s hard grip didn’t slacken, but Remus could feel his confusion. “Do what?”

 

“Whatever it is people like you do to people like me.”

 

“Merlin, Re, what is wrong with you?” Sirius half-shouted.

 

Remus flinched away, shrinking against the wall. He could taste the salty wetness on his lips. “Just do it!” he screamed.

 

And then something incredible happened. Sirius laughed. He threw back his head… and laughed.

 

Remus stared.

 

“Rem… we don’t care!” Sirius finally exclaimed.

 

“What?”

 

“I’ve been trying to tell you – ”

 

“But – I’m – ”

 

“We know, Re. I told you. We know. And we don’t care.”

 

That wasn’t possible. “You’re lying. You’re lying.”

 

“No! Re – ”

 

“Stop lying! Don’t lie! I know you don’t owe a monster anything, but if you ever cared for me at all, don’t lie – ”

 

Crack!

 

Remus gasped at the sudden fiery sting in his cheek.

 

“Re – I’m sorry!” tears were leaking from Sirius’s eyes, too, now. “I just… you’re not a monster, Re! Don’t say you are.” He pulled the smaller boy into his arms, hugging him tightly.

 

“I – ”

 

“It’s not you. The monster isn’t you. You’re not a monster. You’re our Remus.”

 

“Siri, I – ”

 

“Shhh. No matter what, you’re still you, and we like you just the way you are. Nothing will change that. Nothing.”

 

They collapsed to the floor against the wall, worn out emotionally, and full of relief, tears mingling as they merely sat and let each other cry.

 

* * * * *

 

“Remus!” James and Peter hurried over to where Remus and Sirius were sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating their dinner.

 

“We weren’t sure you’d be down here yet,” Peter mumbled through an already-full mouth as he and James sat across the table from their dorm-mates.

 

“So, erm, Rem, Sirius talked to you about, er, you know,” he glanced around and lowered his voice, “your furry little problem?”

 

Remus couldn’t help it, he laughed, and discovered it was as much of a relief as crying in Sirius’s arms had been. “Yes,” he told his friends. “We talked.” Under the table he gave Sirius’s leg a quick, grateful, squeeze, and stifled another chuckle as the boy next to him jerked in surprise.

 

James looked like a huge load had been lifted from him. “So we’re all okay?”

 

“Yes,” Remus smiled. “We’re okay.”

 

“Where’d you get to, anyway?” Sirius inquired.

 

“Went down to the Quidditch pitch,” James replied. “Tossed the Quaffle around a bit. Wanted to give you two time to talk.”

 

“So it was planned.” It wasn’t really a question, but Remus still wanted it confirmed.

 

The other three shifted a bit, looking at each other.

 

It was Sirius who answered. “Yeah, it was planned. We weren’t sure if we should conf – er, talk to you about it. We thought that if we waited, you might tell us. We thought you trusted us.” Sirius sounded hurt.

 

“I do trust you,” Remus felt compelled to say. “I do. It’s just… with this…”

 

“You should have told us,” Sirius insisted.

 

“I couldn’t,” Remus tried to explain. “Don’t you see?” He had to make Sirius understand, had to make that hurt look in those grey eyes go away, he couldn’t stand it. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to keep this secret. I never had any friends, ‘til you. Every time I tried, their parents would pull them away. It was less painful, after a while, to just be alone. But then I came here, and all of a sudden I had friends. Real friends. And I was happy. But I was terrified you’d abandon me if you learned the truth. I wanted to tell you, please believe that, but I was too scared of the consequences. I couldn’t risk losing you. I couldn’t bear it.”

 

Sirius stared, comprehension dawning. “Is that why you thought – is that why you told me to – ”

 

Remus nodded, unsure what to say.

 

“Oh.” Sirius, too, nodded, processing. “Oh.”

 

“What?” James was looking back and forth between the boys across from him.

 

“Nothing,” Sirius told him. “It was nothing.”

 

Thank you, Siri.

 

“Good thing we didn’t all talk to you,” Sirius remarked, easily jumping back to the earlier discussion. “We figured it would seem like we were trying to gang up on you.”

 

“We decided to throw Sirius to the lions,” James continued, grinning at his grey-eyed friend, who stuck out his tongue.

 

“You mean the wolves,” Peter corrected, chuckling heartily at his own joke.

 

Remus felt himself flush.

 

“Ow!” Peter jerked, obviously having been kicked under the table, though it was unclear as to whether Sirius or James was the culprit.

 

Sirius muttered something under his breath that sounded like, “Rem’s more lion than you’ll ever be.”

 

“Remus,” Lily’s voice sounded behind the tawny-haired boy before he could say anything to the dark-haired youth seated next to him.

 

Remus turned and managed a smile for the redhead without too much trouble: she was easy to smile at. “Hey, Lils.”

 

“Hi, Evans,” James’s voice sounded odd.

 

Lily looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “Potter.”

 

Remus turned back to his messy-haired friend, and felt one of his own eyebrows lift at the sight.

 

James was sitting up very straight, almost rigidly. His face had become very pale, and it seemed to have developed a greenish tinge.

 

“You all right, Jamie?” Remus asked, feeling slightly alarmed. The boy had been perfectly fine only a moment ago.

 

The boy’s head gave a jerky nod. “Course.” His mouth snapped shut, lips sealing tightly, as though he was afraid of what would happen if they opened again.

 

“Er…” Remus wasn’t sure if he should believe the nod and single word of assurance, or if he should rush his friend to the hospital wing. He rather thought the latter was the best course of action.

 

“Don’t worry about him, Rem,” Sirius put in, then, a wicked grin on his face. “He’s just got gynophobia.” (1)

 

Oh. That makes sense, then, thought Remus, relaxing slightly.

 

“Black!” James hissed, a blush creeping into his pale cheeks.

 

Peter, however, looked confused. “What?”

 

“Better to let people think you’re a fool than open your mouth and prove it, Pete,” James muttered, glaring fiercely at Sirius.

 

“Hunh?”

 

“My point exactly,” James grumbled, obviously trying to burn a hole through Sirius with only the power of his hazel eyes.

 

At least he doesn’t look so sick anymore, Remus thought, not sure whether to laugh or tell James to apologize to Peter, though it was doubtful any scolding would be heeded.

 

“You ready to go, Remus?” Lily asked, saving Remus from having to make a decision. “If we start now, we can probably work on at least two potions tonight.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Remus scrambled to his feet.

 

“Re, wait!” Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand to keep him from leaving.

 

Remus turned, wondering absently why the warmth from Sirius’s hand seemed to be spreading up from his touch.

 

“How long will you be?” Sirius asked.

 

“Not sure.” Remus quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”

 

“Er… Astronomy.”

 

“Astronomy?”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded quickly. He was still holding Remus’s hand. “We have those star charts to do. Will you give me a hand with mine?”

 

“Those aren’t due until next Wednesday,” Remus pointed out, suspicious. Sirius always seemed to have some reason for Remus to cut his tutoring sessions with Lily short, and Remus couldn’t figure out why, unless it was just coincidence. “Why do you want to do it tonight?”

 

“Remus?” Lily put a hand on the tawny boy’s shoulder, saving Sirius from having to find an answer.

 

“I’m coming, Lils,” Remus told the girl, then turned back to his somewhat relived, somewhat annoyed, looking friend. “Nine o’clock in the common room. Don’t be late,” he instructed, and followed Lily out of the Great Hall, tugging his hand free in the process.

 

* * * * *

 

Ten o’clock found Remus and Peter in the common room, putting the finishing touches on their star charts for Astronomy class. They’d been working steadily for a little over an hour. Neither Sirius nor James had appeared. Remus was under the impression that Peter knew where they were and was sulking because he hadn’t been included. Remus himself was furious at Sirius for not showing up after the mess Remus had made of his second potion in his rush not to be late, and at James for going off with Sirius to wherever they had gone.

 

“Venus is a little more to the west, Pete,” Remus corrected, looking over his friend’s shoulder.

 

“Right, thanks,” Peter mumbled, making the necessary change.

 

Remus triple-checked his own chart, and scowled at the brightest star, its glowing ink twinkling merrily up at him from its position in Canis Major.

 

Stupid prat, Remus grumbled silently. Making me rush so I could help him, then standing me up. His thoughts froze for a moment. Standing me up? What rubbish is that?

 

At that moment, the prat in question came bounding through the portrait hole with his partner in crime.

 

“We did it! We did it!” James cried out excitedly when he spotted Remus and Peter. “We pranked the Slytherins again, that’s once more than last month!”

 

“We broke our record!” Sirius chimed in, ecstatic.

 

“You also broke your promise,” Remus snapped, rising to his feet.

 

“P-promise, Re?” The huge grin on Sirius’s face faltered at the glower the amber-eyed boy presented him with.

 

“You were supposed to be here an hour ago so I could help you with your star chart.” Remus began gathering his things together.

 

Sirius winced. “Right. Well, see, I would have been here, but Jamie here got this great idea for pranking the Slytherins…”

 

“And you forgot all about your chart,” Remus cut him off, rolling his own chart into a tight cylinder.

 

“I’m sorry, Rem, really I am, but if you’d seen their faces when –”

 

“I don’t want to hear it, Sirius.”

 

“But Re –”

 

“It’s your loss, not mine.”

 

“Re –”

 

“Get James to help you, if he knows what’s going on.” Which I doubt.

 

“Oh, come off it, Remus!” James bristled defensively. “I’m not as bad as Sirius. Don’t –”

 

“I’m not speaking to you, Potter. You knew he had to do his chart. You knew I was going to help him tonight. You knew he needed that help. And you let him go running off with you so you could pull some foolish prank that will likely land you in detention. Again.”

 

“But –”

 

“So you can help him fill out his chart.”

 

“But –”

 

“Now I’m going to bed, because I finished my homework. Good night.” Remus stalked towards the staircase, then, remembering he had helped Peter, and deciding Sirius and James should be left to muddle through the assignment on their own, he turned at the foot of the steps. “Coming, Pete?”

 

“Oh!” squeaked Peter, startled. “Yes. Of course.”

 

The small pudgy boy hastily rolled up his completed chart and scampered towards Remus, darting an uncomfortable glance back at the two raven-haired boys before climbing the stairs at Remus’s heels.

 

“You’d better fix this,” Remus’s sharp ears heard James snap at Sirius. “Lily was braiding her hair last week in class. I haven’t the slightest clue what to do with that star chart…”

 

* * * * *

 

It was nearly midnight before Remus, tucked comfortably into his bed, heard the unmistakable sound of Sirius tiptoeing towards him.

 

A sliver of light from the waning moon briefly peeped through Remus’s bed curtains as Sirius pulled the heavy drapes open just far enough to allow him to climb inside to sit on Remus’s bed.

 

“I know you’re awake, Rem,” Sirius whispered after a long moment of silence.

 

“What do you want, Sirius?” Remus asked.

 

Remus had known Sirius would come like this; the dark-haired boy always did when he’d done something that upset Remus enough to call him ‘Sirius.’ He’d give the smaller boy some kind of chocolate and apologize. Remus had learned quickly that he might as well stay awake until Sirius came, because Sirius had no qualms about waking Remus up to accept the chocolate and apology. For some reason, Sirius couldn’t go to sleep with Remus angry at him. It was puzzling.

 

“I brought you some chocolate,” Sirius said tentatively, and Remus could just make out the proffered peace offering. “And I wanted to tell you again I’m really, really sorry I didn’t show up when I was supposed to.”

 

Remus sighed. Now it was his turn. “It’s okay, Siri,” he whispered back to the grey-eyed boy on his bed. “I’m not upset anymore.” In truth, he hadn’t been “upset anymore” for well over an hour – he never could stay angry with Sirius for very long.

 

Remus took the bar of chocolate, and there was a moment of near silence as he unwrapped it and broke it in half. He handed one half to Sirius – the ritual to show that he had indeed forgiven his wayward friend – and kept one half for himself. As always, it was good chocolate, and Remus savored every bite. He could smell the chocolate Sirius was eating as well as his own, it was a comforting scent.

 

Remus had barely finished his piece when James’s footsteps sounded outside the curtains of Remus’s bed.

 

Why’s Jamie up?

 

“Did you two kiss and make up already?” James asked, poking his eternally mussed head inside the bed curtains.

 

Remus felt his cheeks heat up and, though he wasn’t sure why he was blushing, he was definitely grateful for the dark that hid it.

 

“We’re good,” Sirius replied.

 

Is it me, or does his voice sound funny? Remus wondered.

 

“Wonderful,” James enthused, and Remus could hear the grin in his voice.

 

“Congratulations on breaking last month’s prank record,” Remus murmured, feeling he ought to say something.

 

“It really was brilliant,” James remarked smugly.

 

“We need to celebrate!” Sirius declared.

 

“Wake Pete,” James instructed. “This calls for a kitchen raid!”

 

“Why must you call it ‘raiding’?” Remus inquired, crawling out from under his blankets. “The elves are only too happy to give us more food than we could ever want.”

 

“‘Asking for a snack’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it,” James explained.

 

“‘Raiding’ is much more exciting,” Sirius added.

 

“Like we’re outlaws –”

 

“Pirates –”

 

“Marauders?” suggested Remus sarcastically.

 

“Yes!” exclaimed Sirius.

 

“Exactly,” chipped in James.

 

“Re, you’re a genius.”

 

“Well, naturally, Siri, but is there a reason you’re bringing this up now?”

 

“Marauders, Re!” Sirius bounced a little on the bed. “We’re the Marauders!”

 

“It’s perfect, Rem,” James agreed.

 

Remus squinted at them in the dark. “Marauders?”

 

“Marauders,” said James.

 

“Marauders,” said Sirius.

 

“We’re brothers, you know,” James went on. “It’s only natural we should have a name, so we’ll always know we’re brothers. No matter what happens.”

 

“No matter what size the moon is,” put in Sirius, and Remus felt a warm, comforting hand find his own and squeeze it. “We’ll always be together.”

 

“Up to no good?” teased Remus.

 

“Of course!” James laughed. “We’re the Marauders!”

 

“Can’t you lot keep it down?” Peter demanded from his bed.

 

Remus, Sirius, and James promptly burst out laughing.

 

TBC

 

(1) gynophobia = fear of women [for those of you who don’t spend your time memorizing Greek vocabulary and, like Peter, were a little bit confuzzled]